We are proud to name as this week’s Laura Lee & Cutter Weenie of the Week, 52 year old, human bottle of everclear, Randall Villarreal. Randall is accused of driving his child to school and getting into a crash while intoxicated. And not just intoxicated. Five times over the legal limit for driving intoxicated. Bro MAXXED out the breathalyzer.
He admitted to the cops to having two drinks with his wife the night before. Did these drinks come in a fishbowl? Because you’re supposed to share those..
Let’s back up. So he drops his kid off, thankfully, by the grace of god, with no issue before heading to work. He is.. Or I’m guessing, was, a Waukesha gym teacher. This is when he gets into an accident. Randall rearends a guy, gives the guy he hits a photo of his drivers license and insurance card but then heads on his way because he was worried that he was going to be late for work. Cops show up at the school where he worked to find his Jeep with significant damage, and him with glassy blood shot eyes, slurred speech and a strong odor of intoxicants on his breath. Far be it from me to ever judge the difficulty of ones job, but I didn’t think forming dodgeball teams required one to hit the bottle heavily before hand. I’d hate to see this guy attempt red rover.
So, for teaching us a new math, drunk math, where two drinks equals blowing a .4, for rear ending a guy in a Audi so hard that now it’s an innie (actually I don’t know what he was driving, I just wanted to make that joke) and for making national news so once again late night hosts can take pot shots at Wisconsin being the most drunk state in America, I mean we ARE… we are proud to name the wasted, wrecked Waukesha wash-out, Randall Villarreal, as this week’s Laura Lee & Cutter Weenie of the Week.
