We are proud to name as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the Week, 45-year-old husband and father of three, Ryan Borgwardt. A real stan for Uzbekistan. By now you’ve all heard the story about a missing kayaker in Green Lake County who turned out to be Ryan Borgwardt and after a month-long search for any sign of Ryan after he went missing this story took a twist we only see in those Netflix murder mystery documentaries. You see it turns out that police now believe Ryan faked his own death to possibly leave the country and start a new life with a woman in of all places the small Western Asian country of Uzbekistan. A country so far off the beaten path even Borat wouldn’t go there for a wife. (Uzbekistan does border Kazakhstan)
Here’s the evidence, he went missing after kayaking by himself on August 12th, police found that he had cashed in a life insurance policy, had bought airline gift cards, had wiped his hard drive (not good enough) on the morning he disappeared, he had plans on how to fake his death, had reported his passport stolen and had been in communication with a supposed woman in, yes Uzbekistan. Then just earlier this week a TikTok video surfaced of a guy who looks a lot like Ryan asking a social media influencer if he should go to Uzbekistan or stay here and when asked why he said for a woman but that he was still married to a woman here in the states. Now to be fair, authorities have stated they don’t believe the person in that viral video is Ryan. This can only mean that woman in Uzbekistan was already digitally cheating on him, or this is more believable there’s more than one middle-aged sucker in the U.S. Cause come on, there’s about a much of a chance that this woman is real as there is that I have Nigerian price relative who just left me millions of dollars and all I have to do is provide my banking information to receive it. I wonder if she asked for money in the form of iTunes gift cards as well.
So for taking the classic deadbeat dad line “I’m going out for smokes be right back” to a whole new shine, for being catfish worse than an 80-year-old woman believing she’s now in a relationship with Gene Simmons or Kiss, and for bringing more attention to a central Wisconsin county than even a maker of lampshades did a couple of Counties over. (For those that don’t understand that’s an Ed Gein reference) We are proud to name the missing counterfeit catfished creep of Green Lake County, Ryan Borgwardt as this week’s Laura Lee and Cutter Weenie of the week.
