Whenever our phone or tablet or laptop updates, it always wants you to click that yo agree to their “terms and conditions”. And like any good slaves to our technology, most of it just go ahead and click “agree”without reading the seemingly endless list of legal mumbo-jumbo.
We could be agreeing to almost anything. At least that’s what I found out when I actually read the terms and conditions when updating my software this past weekend.
I’m sure you’ll be as stunned as I was…
WHAT YOU ARE AGREEING TO WHEN YOU AGREE TO THEIR “TERMS AND CONDITIONS“
You have agreed to adopt and raise as your own any children fathered by Nick Cannon during the life of your iPhone.
You have agreed to relinquish the foreskin of your firstborn to be used as an Apple party favor at the birthday party for Apple CEO Tim Cook.
You have agreed to help a stranger, identifying themselves as an apple employee, if they show up at your door in the middle of the night with plastic sheeting, a shovel and a bone saw needing to dispose of a dead body.
You have agreed to be placed high on the donor list in the event of any Apple executive needing a replacement kidney.
You have agreed to have your computer search history appear in a commercial during the first quarter of next year’s Super Bowl.
You have agreed to reenact the most famous scene from the movie Deliverance with a real pig.
You have agreed to learn the Chicago Bears fight song; Bear Down Bears, and to sing it loudly and proudly in the middle of the eventual funeral for Packer great Jerry Kramer.
You have agreed to sell one or both of your aging grandparents to a sketchy glue factory.
You have agreed to let a rogue Good Humor ice cream truck driver perform a prostate exam on you with a Bomb Pop.
You have agreed to let a coworker make coffee by cutting off your testicles and jamming them in the break room Keurig machine.
You have agreed to participate in a scientific experiment that requires you to be locked alone in a room watching all 5000+ episodes of The View back-to-back, 16 hours a day for 320 days while subsisting only on bags stale Funyuns and glasses of unsweetened iced tea with only small doses of a midget’s urine for flavor.
[Apple]
