Tonight on Monday Night Football it’s Da Bears versus the Vikings. If only there was a way that both could lose. But the fact of the matter is, it would be most helpful for our resurgent Packers for the Bears to defeat the Vikings. But, if you are like me, pulling for the Bears goes against every fiber of your being. Let me put it in perspective…
I WOULD NORMALLY RATHER…
Eat a sandwich made from my own tongue…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Attend a Justin Bieber concert… without earplugs…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Wipe my ass with a broken Schlitz bottle…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Drink a Slushie made with dirty ice and the fresh squeezed contents of the president’s diaper…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Let Wayne Larivee circumcise me using his dullest dagger…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Spend an entire summer in Death Valley locked in well used Porta John…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Floss my teeth with Cutter’s pubes…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Replace the gerbil up my ass with an angry porcupine …than pull for the Chicago Bears
Slather my balls in peanut butter while laying leg spread eagle in a kennel filled with starving Rottweilers …than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Have Packer Anders Carlson kick me in the nuts (but to be honest, he’d probably miss)…than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Spend the rest of my life eating nothing but prison cafeteria gruel harvested from Harvey Weinstein’s stubble… than pull for the Chicago Bears.
Be strapped in a chair with my eyes forced open like Malcolm McDowell’s character at the end of a Clockwork Orange and left to rewatch that horrendous Jack Harlow halftime show from Thursday’s game over and over on a loop until my eyes were turned to pudding which I was then forced fed by Bill Cosby…than EVER pull for the Chicago Bears.
[NFL.COM]
