WAYS PRESIDENT BUSH CAN IMPROVE HIS APPROVAL RATING

10. During nationally televised address from the White House, give Cheney a world class wedgie before hanging him by his underpants from a hook in the West Wing.

9. Request the presence of a United Nations’ multinational peacekeeping force on the set of The View.

8. Turn the Oval Office into an octagon. Challenge Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to five rounds of Ultimate Fighting. (2 men enter, 1 man leaves!)

7. Make Postal Service add LSD to glue they use on postage stamps. May not improve his popularity but will make old people mailing letters talk about more interesting things than how it used to only cost a nickel to mail a frickin' letter.

6. Replace portrait of his mother on the one dollar bill with that picture of Britney Spears getting out a car and flashing her business.

5. Appeal to nation’s pioneering spirit by announcing ambitious plan to put men on Mars, Venus and Rosie O’Donnell by 2015.

4. Get him to convince his wife, Laura, to make at least one public appearance with an expression on her face that doesn’t look like you just caught her in the middle of a pap smear. 

3.You know that guy on the late night infomercials in that suit that’s all covered in question marks that keeps yelling about getting free money from the government in that high, whiney voice?….Kill him.

2. Just do like Appleton Mayor Tim Hanna and lose weight, get a cool new hair cut and try to forget about how everybody hates you.
1. Stop talking like he learned English watching Junior and LuLu jump out of the cornfield  yelling "saaaa-lute!" .